You observe a teen driver you know — from school, sports, a community activity, the neighborhood — speeding, texting, drag racing, carrying passengers who you know are illegal, out in a car after the state’s curfew. Do you inform the teen driver’s parent or guardian?
Your own teen reports seeing kids at her school leaving the parking lot not only with passengers who are illegal, but with a group that she just knows is going to be unruly and dangerous. Should she inform someone at the school? Should you?
When it comes to teen drivers, are we parents keepers of other people’s kids?
The fears that a parent would have calling the parent of a teen driver who was observed driving illegally or dangerously are easy to catalogue. To begin with, there is the likely problem that the parent of that teen does not understand, or does not want to understand, the dangers of teen driving, and so will respond to your “I saw Billy texting while driving” message with an out-loud or internal “Yeah, so what?” The parent may respond with a stern warning to “mind your own business,” or perhaps a snotty question about whether your own driving or your teen’s driving are so perfect and that you have now been appointed community watchdog. Maybe the parent on the receiving end will get defensive because the driving conduct you describe is something this parent does routinely, so your comment is not only a complaint about the teen’s driving but the parent’s. And in these days of tweets and electronic messages that ricochet around town and beyond in seconds, one may fear that a complaint about another parent’s teen driver will end up as a post on Facebook or Twitter, and what started out as a well-intentioned, one-to one alert will suddenly have you facing ridicule as a goody-two-shoes or a tattle-tale.
Yes, it is easy to list the reasons why you shouldn’t even consider being an informant about another family’s teen driver.
So now let me segue into all the reasons why you should be just that.
The starting point is the recognition that safe teen driving is everyone’s concern, for the simple and well-documented reason that teen drivers crash three times more frequently than the safest age group of drivers, the 35 to 49 year olds; and when they do, they injure or kill many more than themselves. In 2008 in the United States, in round numbers, 2,700 teen drivers died, but they took with them another 3,400 people – passengers, other drivers, and pedestrians. Every year in our country, three million teens get their licenses. They share the road with us. The safety of every driver and passenger is more at risk with teen drivers than any other age group. And that is before we factor in texting.
Next, please ask yourself: if your teen driver was doing something dangerous, would you want to be informed, regardless of the source? Hopefully your quick and unhesitating answer is yes.
Let’s also remember that the police simply cannot be everywhere, or even most places we need them, so it is universally true that supervision of teen drivers is up to parents. To say that this responsibility is limited to your own teen driver is to draw an unnecessary line and to open up a gap in the supervision that is essential to safe teen driving.
Finally, please note that with teen drivers, time is the enemy. If teen drivers misbehave and get away with it, they are empowered to act the same way again, or even to push the envelope further. It is well documented that the driving skills of teens deteriorate in the first six months after they obtain their licenses, when the lessons and cautions of Drivers Ed and the Learner Permit stage are easily forgotten and the inherent teen attraction to risk-taking kicks in. Bad or illegal driving observed but not reported is not just an omission but a refusal to take a step that is important to public safety.
Those of you who have looked at my Model Teen Driving Contract know that one of its provisions says that misconduct that will trigger a license suspension or other penalty can be reported by “any credible source.” In other words, my model builds into the agreement between parent and teen a recognition that reports from others are a vital part of keeping teen drivers on the straight and narrow.
I hope I have convinced those who may be wavering that a prompt report to a parent, guardian, school official, or whoever is best situated to act on the information, is a responsibility that each of us has, not just to teen drivers but to the safety of our families, our communities, and ourselves.
This leaves us with two issues: how best to communicate, and what to say? As to how to do it, the options are face-to-face conversation, a phone call, or an email or text message This is a judgment call. The probem with an email or text, of course, is that it may get forwarded somewhere that you can’t control and don’t want, and this may be a deterrent (“Look at what this guy said about my Alice!”). A face-to-face visit may compress the fears listed above. A phone call may be be the safest route.
Were it up to me to call another parent to report on a teen driver doing something illegal or dangerous, I would strive to use a script something like this: “This is Tim from Farm Hill Road. I want apologize in advance for this call and hope you will understand why I am calling. I struggled with whether to make the call, but I want to let you know that I saw your daughter texting while driving on ____ Street. It made me very concerned for her safety and those driving nearby. [Here, one can insert a compliment about the teen: “She is so admired around town.”] Again, I hope you’re not offended by my bringing this up. I’m doing out of concern for safety — hers, yours, and ours. I appreciate your taking my call.”
At the risk of a cliché, when it comes safe teen driving, it definitely takes a village. So please, don’t be afraid to call, and don’t delay.
