A single mother of a newly-licensed teen called me. She was almost in tears, on the edge of panic. She said her son was a good kid but she was terrified about his driving and did not know “where to start.”
We talked through the situation. Obviously, I will keep the particulars of her call confidential, and I note that where she lives in the United States made a difference in some of the advice I gave her, but let me summarize the basics of our conversation.
I said first that if she truly believed that her son was at risk, then she had to take decisive action to prevent him from driving. I explained that there is no law or rule that says that teens must be allowed to drive once they reach the state’s minimum age. I said that if her son is not ready to drive, she should take steps to make sure that he does not have access to keys or a car. I conceded that sometimes this is easier said than done, especially when the teen already has a license, but I reminded her (though she didn’t need reminding) that this was a potentially life or death situation. I asked if her son would take the car without permission and she said she didn’t think so, though our conversation noted that as a possibility that might even require her as a mother to get law enforcement involved. I suggested that because she is a single mother that she might get another family member or friend involved, if only for moral support.
We moved on to the assumption that if she took several steps, she could gain some control. I recommended that she get a good Teen Driving Agreement, sit down with it and her son, and make signing it non-negotiable. I explained that it would establish rules outside the heat of a particular situation where her son was insisting on driving.
We then moved on to big picture thoughts on where to start. I mentioned my PACTS formula: passengers, alcohol, curfews, texting, and seat belts, five areas where, if she could gain control and get her son to buy in, she would be addressing major causes of crashes.
Finally, I highlighted some of the key advice from Not So Fast: act like an air traffic controller, and follow the book’s other key pieces of advice, such as not allowing joyrides, using keys as leverage, and having zero tolerance for electronic devices.
I am not sure if my advice settled her down or will ultimately turn her fear into control. At this point the only thing I am certain of is that she is not alone. But perhaps I gave her some places to start.
